Why a "Quest?"

I love lists more than most, but never was interested in a Bucket List. Maybe it's because the phrase comes from "Kick the bucket" and I don't want to constantly be reminded of death, or because I actually know someone who passed away right after she checked off the last item on her Bucket List. I gravitate much more toward the idea of a quest. I really like the book "The Happiness of Pursuit" by Chris Guillebeau. He states:

“People who pursue quests are often motivated by achievement, process, or simply a belief in daily adventure.”

Guillebeau explains that some of us are "achievement-motivated" and others are "process-motivated." It seems to me that having a Bucket List means focusing on the goal of checking off a list of achievements or accomplishments, while focusing on the process means less emphasis on the final achievement and more on the step-by-step building/practice/learning required to achieve the goal.

At first I didn't think this journey qualified as a "quest" since it didn't involve one big accomplishment like "Start a business/charity," "bike from coast to coast" or "travel to every continent," etc. But after reading this book, I feel confident in calling it a quest because a) it's a process-motivated one, and b) two adolescents will be involved which makes everything a challenge (e.g., putting one's dirty dishes INTO the empty dishwasher).

Ben Nemtin and friends describe their Bucket List adventures in the book "What Do You Want to Do Before You Die?" In his TED talk Ben explains the first step to achieving anything on your bucket list: "Think about what's important to you. Not what your parents think. Not what your teachers think. Not what society thinks is important, but...listen to your gut and your heart and think about what it is you want to do. If it scares you that's good; if people say you're crazy that's even better."

Guillebeau states "Regret is what you should fear the most. If something is going to keep you awake at night, let it be the fear of not following your dream. Be afraid of settling."

We have all heard these recommendations, but following them seems more difficult for some than others. I would guess that's due to a combination of the types of people in one's life (Do you have mostly supportive and encouraging family/friends? A few doubters and discouragers? A few influencers that are driven in their own lives by fear or hypervigilance?) and, maybe more importantly, how you respond to expectations, both inner expectations and outer expectations. Gretchen Rubin's research into this area culminated in her book "The Four Tendencies." I HIGHLY recommend this book and the quiz that goes along with it (which can be found at https://gretchenrubin.com/quiz/the-four-tendencies-quiz/). In short, people either meet or resist expectations (both inner and outer expectations) and fall into one of four quadrants based on their tendencies. The Upholder strives to meet both inner and outer expectations; the Questioner meets inner expectations, resists outer expectations; the Obliger resists inner expectations, meets outer expectations; the Rebel resists inner and outer expectations.

Fortunately, being an Upholder (leaning Questioner), married to a Rebel, living our lives according to others' expectations is not a challenge with which we struggle. (If you don't believe me then think about that fact that I grew up Presbyterian and then became Muslim. In America. And held our Muslim wedding at my parent's country club. In the South.) [**Shout out to my amazing parents!**]

We have decided to embark upon this journey because we have decided it is important to us, have carefully assessed the possible dangers and negative consequences which could result (more on these later), and have determined that the benefits outweigh the risks. Not everyone will be thrilled about it and that's ok. At the end of my life I want to look back and be content that at least we tried.

Ben Nemtin's second step is to "Write it Down," so here it is:

A Family Quest: Travel around the world as a family in order to experience new places, cultures, and food, while learning skills and life lessons, building confidence in our abilities, and forming connections with people along the way.

This quest will involve lots of planning, problem-solving, convincing, organizing, pivoting and rethinking. Oh yeah, and checking some items off of lists...but that's just a bonus.